Archive for Inturwebz

And My Blog Reading Slide Continues

Ok, so I told several people, “I’ve been to the bottom of the internet,” with reference to my subscription to reddit.

But now I must present my latest stoopid time-waste, lamebook: the funniest and lamest of facebook.

My personal favourite so far (which is not really REALLY TMI):

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How I Unwound after My Lecture on the Awesomeness of God, The Beneficent, The Merciful …

… and the biggest waste of time and my stoopidest blog post ever.

I looked up the 1st Google result for every letter of the alphabet.

I was going to include the numbers, 0-9, but they’re all Wikipedia entries save for one about 6/49 and another … which led me to exclude all the numbers on principle for it refers to the musical remake of the greatest movie ever made and about which no one must ever speak to me again.  Let it be an anathema!

A – Welcome to ‘A’…anc_AtlanticLink · Set Barrie as your default station. Set London as your default station · Set Ottawa as your default station · Set Victoria as your …

Gateway to the former Citytv now CTVGlobemedia properties, the A channels, that CTV would close up if they could and for which they want cable and satellite providers to kick back a fee so that these channels standing alone appear profitable.  Don’t make me angry, broadcast teevee, you won’t like me when I’m angry.

B – /b/ – Randomb/ is the home of Anonymous, it is where people go to discuss random topics on 4chan.

Gateway to exgf pay porn site.  Anybuddy surprised that a mere letter search turns up some porn?

C – C (programming language) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia C is a general-purpose computer programming language developed in 1972 by Dennis Ritchie at the Bell Telephone Laboratories for use with the Unix operating …

The Internet, by the pocket-protector class, for the pocket-protector class …

D – Intro – D Programming Language – Digital Mars Compiled, garbage collected, simpler C/C++ replacement by Walter Bright (wrote first DOS C++ compiler). Maximum similarity to C/C++, except where backward …

… several communities of the pocket-protector class, in fact.

E – E! Online – Entertainment News, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity News Did you know you can grab smokin’ hot E! Online news, review and gossip through our RSS …. That’s what he did last night when E! News asked him about his …

F – F – Ford Motor Company (NYSE)

The market has spoken … moving on.

G –  Gmail: Email from Google7+ GB of storage, less spam, and mobile access. Gmail is email that’s intuitive, efficient, and useful. And maybe even fun.

Could any form of Google search not produce something self-referential?

H – Hydrogen – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Hydrogen gas (now known to be H2) was first artificially produced in the early … H2 reacts with every oxidizing element. Hydrogen can react spontaneously …

… with a buncha stuff resulting in kerfuckinbooooom!

I –  Apple – Download music and more with iTunes. Play it all on iPod. Audio player with multiple playlist functions, native burn support, visual effects, and file conversion.

iMFG!  After all the entrail-reading to determine just what today’s tablet unveiling would bring, Apple would have to be represented, no?

J – J – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia J is the 10th letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet used today; it was the last of the 26 letters to be added. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈdʒeɪ/) …

It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma that every one of these entries isn’t such a Wikipedia entry.

K – K – Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaK (and k) is the eleventh letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈkeɪ/) is spelled kay. …

It’s a riddle wrapped in bacon …

L – L – Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaL is the twelfth letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈɛl/) is spelled el or occasionally ell. …

… behind a shower curtain.

M – M (1931) Directed by Fritz Lang. With Peter Lorre, Ellen Widmann, Inge Landgut. When the police in a German city are unable to catch a child-murderer, …

Ok, this is better.  BTW, I heart IMDB.

N – N – Free Action Game from AddictingGames!N, a Free Action Game from AddictingGames: Golden cubes await capture as you guide your ninja-like icon through treacherous territory. Watch out for mines, …

O – Canadian Heritage – National Anthem: O Canada11 Dec 2009 … “O Canada” was proclaimed Canada’s national anthem on July 1, 1980, 100 years after it was first sung on June 24, 1880. …

Aw, now that’s gotta warm yer heart down to the cockles, or maybe even the sub-cockle area.

BTW, this Google search was a Google Canada search.  Always was a fan of Cancon.

P –  P-Mate – Female Freedom – The Freedom To Pee Standing UpP-Mate was invented by a creative Dutch woman. They allow girls and women of all ages the ability to neatly pee standing up.

And this, my friends, is why the interwebz truly is the greatest, best thing God ever gave man.

Q –  Q – Qwest Communications International Inc. (NYSE)

Still, pure ca-pittle-ism is pretty sparsely represented here.

R – The R Project for Statistical ComputingR, also called GNU S, is a strongly functional language and environment to statistically explore data sets, make many graphical displays of data from custom …

“R is a language and environment for statistical computing and graphics. It is a GNU project which is similar to the S language.”

Hmmmm, I wonder if the next entry will be ….

S – S – Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaS is the nineteenth letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈɛs/) is spelled ess, or usually es- when part of a compound …

Well it didn’t turn out to be a site about the S language.   I don’t know that if it had, I’d be more disappointed than finding just another Wikipedia article 😦

T – T – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia T is the twentieth letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈtiː/) is spelled tee. It is the most commonly used consonant …

Ok, now this complete waste of time and effort is just depressing me.

U – Video results for u Britney Spears – I’m A Slave 4 U

Didn’t see other media suggestions appearing in this list.  If I had, I’da cynically suggested itida been Britney sings “I’m a Slave for U” in sex tape

V – V – ValuCap Investments Inc. (CVE)

Not “for Vendetta?”  Not “We are of Peace. Always?”

W – W. (2008/I) A chronicle on the life and presidency of George W. Bush. Visit IMDb for Photos, Showtimes, Cast, Crew, Reviews, Plot Summary, Comments, Discussions, …

Hey, did anybuddy see it?  Was it funny?  I haven’t seen it for Jodey’s knows how much of a BFI I think Oliver Stone is.

X – X – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia X is the twenty-fourth letter in the basic modern Latin alphabet. Its name in English (pronounced /ˈɛks/) is spelled ex, plural exes (/ˈɛksɨz/). …

Sad, I’d hoped that this would give me proper excuse to declare my endless love for Exene Cervenka.  Hmmm, you know, I only found out recently that Viggo Mortensen is the ex, hahaha, of Exene of the band X.

Y – Yahoo! Canada Canada Only. Search: Open Search Assist. · Y! Quebec · My Yahoo! Make Y! your homepage · Sign in · New here? Sign up · What are you doing? …

It just refuses to die.

Z – Z – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Z is the twenty-sixth and final letter of the basic modern Latin alphabet. Contents. 1 Name and pronunciation; 2 History. 2.1 Blackletter Z …

Zed’s dead, baby.

And so what have we learned?

Well, a statistician could argue that approximately:

19% of the internet is media

15% of the internet is computing

4% of the internet is games

4% of the internet is Google

4% of the internet is anti-Google

4% of the internet is porn

4% of the Canadian corner of the interent is … well … Canadian

4% of the interent is peepee-rights.

12% of the internet is commercial

and finally …

27% of the internet is Wiki-effin-pedia.

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Alright, in the … call it a sphere … of virtually innumerable and infinite miscellaneous … call them weblogs … [I cannot bring myself to use that new piece of cant ending in sphere and I gag a little on that ubiquitous abbr.] very little … anyway … rises above the level of merely personally significant ephemera (the musings of yours truly included, I humbly submit).

But once in a while, one spots on the horizon an example of far too candid documentation which promises to transcend the all too human world in which it’s first manifest and survive forever in whatever shapes digitized self-expression might take in the future.

The new-media version of the lifelong record of the aphorisms of one Sam Halpern, kept by his son Justin as shitmydadsays, comes to mind: “The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside.”

(Can you tell I spent far too much time today wading thru far too many blogs written by navel-gazing knobs who fancy themselves journalists or public intellectuals?  And never mind the stuff I waded thru by knobs who are journalists and public intellectuals!)

But … ahem … I digress.

Without further ado, I give you weblogging sensation Karen Slavick-Lennard and the extraordinary somnolent utterances of her mild-mannered husband Adam, known to millions as Sleep Talkin’ Man.

“My bagder’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”
“No, not the cats. Don’t trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much.”
“Just look at yourself. Yeah, now look at me. You don’t stand a chance. It must suck to be you, I’m sure.”

“Monkey power! Straight from the jungle.”

“Hey, don’t… don’t say anything. Why don’t you put it in an email, then I can ignore it at my pleasure.”

“If I wanted to see a long nose and a big ass, I’d look at a horse.”

“Butt cheeks ahoy! There she blows!”
“You can’t be a pirate if you haven’t got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules.”
“We haven’t got a plank. Just fucking jump.”
“Yes I’m sad, but if you stood further away, I’d be happier. No, further away. Well, let’s face it, just fucking CUNT OFF! Thank you, I appreciate it.”
“Don’t jump on me!”

“You’re pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty…. [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I’m bored.”

“Oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds.”

“Flap’s on fire. Your flap’s on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I’m a bad bad boy.” [Karen’s note: you guys have to image “chilli in the vagina” in a child’s sing-song cadence. Creeeeepy]

“Let me hold you in my arms. Feel me squeeze the living fucking breath out of your bastard body. Bliss. Lovely.”
“Skipping to work makes everything better.”
“I haven’t put on weight. Your eyes are fat.”
“I’d rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that’s just my opinion. Don’t take it personally.”
“Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else.”
“Lentils are evil. Pure fucking oozing evil. Take them away from me.”
“My vision of hell is a lentil casserole.”
“By the way, washing in rose water doesn’t stop you smelling like a piece of shit.”
“Avocados? You can shove them up your ass as well.”
“Be happy happy happy happy.”
“Now fuck off and let me bask in the glory of being me.”

It just goes on and effin’ on!

And that, my friends, is the piss-my-pants funniest shit I’ve read on the interwebz in like forever.

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Here to Report in More than 140 Characters

As some have heard, I’m a little blog-bored lately.  Subsequently, I’ve ditched a few/added a few subscriptions in ye ole aggregator but I’m still yawnin’.  So after all the Obama coverage, and all the Twitter references by the media types with so very little to report on a the day-trip that shook the world (well, our part of the world), oh yes, and after all the references in the rerun of The Agenda with Steve Pakin Wednesday night – in which that amphibious self-taught half-wit Robert Sawyer*** asserted that those of us dinosaurs whose pedagogy still employs primarily the lecture are why kids today don’t learn – I signed up.  A friend asked me, “what’s the point?” when I reported this and explained what the site does.  So far, I’ve got no answer.  At present, I’m “following” but a handful of folks (famous and not so famous) and no one is “following” me.  A metaphor for my life as a beta male 😉

***WTF includes his honorary D. Litt. (from Laurentian!) behind his name?  Oh yeah, sci-fi boy also asserted that all these alternative media are the revenge of the nerds: MSM, TV especially, favours the good-looking who orate without flaw; so blogs etc. give voice and audience to the ugly stutterers with marginal opinions.  A little projection, Bob?  Rex Murphy, Bob, Rex Murphy.

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Yup, Blogging Requires Discipline

Proverbial “haven’t written anything here in awhile … really gunna try to keep it up more regularly … bin busy [k, this is a lie]” punctuated post.

Truthfully, I’ve not found much to say.  Everything that’s occurred to me to write about has been too little or too much.  But, I feel a mighty indignance cummin’ on.  Because one thing remains constant: my employers are still DBs.

In the meanwhile.  I got 3 Cichlids.  I bought a turtle.  I’m going to the Exotic Pet Expo tomorrow and no good can come of that.  I can add American Black Duck to list of neighbourhood critters.

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Allow me to be a bittuva douche for a moment

I haven’t had a moment like this since my Facebook mini-feed said, “Jack C. Laughlin is now friends with Benedict the XVI.”

Subsequent to viewing half of the appearance by my (Facebook) friend Warren Kinsella and Bernie Farber of the CJC on the Michael Coren Show, I added MC as a Facebook friend.  It made me snicker that other FB friends are going to see the announcement that I am now one of his (+1450) FB friends.

Ok, I’m happy to have it imagined that in some conceivable way Michael Coren and I are “friends.”  (Even though in no possible way in no possible universe could this be in any meaningful way true  … unless he prevented me from getting hit by a bus or something … maybe.) 

Now, I solicited this friendship.  But I went this far with no intention of going any further.  That is to say, I did not, at the same time, chose to join the Facebook group, “Fans of Michael Coren.”  Because while I might have it imagined that I am in some way a fan of MC – as being the “friend” such a minorly notorious person might imply – I really don’t want to see the FB announcement that I’ve joined a group of  his “fans;” that’s not a connection I want to see lingering in print.

Why?  I could cite lots of reasons, mostly about not wanting to be associated with free-speechin-libert-aryan anti-CHRC types who think they and their spokesvolk are persecuted by the state for sowing seeds which promise to sprout new violence against every group who ever got the hard shitend of the Western European and New World stick.  (Ok, I wish that was a net that caught up David Ahenakew.)

But no, it’s not for anything about those politics.  Rather, it’s because it’s apparent that Michael Coren possesses some degree of that narcissism that so many American TV and radio right-wing reptiles possess.  Who is the number one administrator of the Facebook group “Fans of Michael Coren?” Who invited me to join the goup?  None other than Michael Coren himself.

Ok, I may still become a fan.***  And here then is the (most) douchie part.  I may join if … MC joins my newly created Facebook group, “Fans of Jack C. Laughlin.”

Yeah, I feel kinda durdy now, in that way I do right after I make banal or just plain goofy comments in popular blogs and link em to this blog, passive-aggressively tryin’ to scare up readers.

***Full disclosure. Initially I ignored MC’s invitation to his group.  Later, after failing to find another FB group with a name prefixed by, “Fans of,” I briefly joined MC’s group, simply to see how it appeared in my mini-feed.  (I wanted to know if it came up as “Jack C. Laughlin has become a fan of Michael Coren.”  It didn’t and I deleted the story in my mini-feed and left the group.)

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